Scrubba, Rubba, Ding-dong!

I have found my Nirvana! That’s it… I know EXACTLY what I need in my garden. I need a bath…a real type of bath where I sit on a marble stool, dip hot water from the marble “bird fountain” shaped basin, all over my body, looking like Jennifer Beal in “Flashdance” while soaping up with this outrageous black soap.

I need a woman, who is clad in bra and panties, to hold my hand, guiding me across the very slippery, wet marble floor so I will not fall, due to my ignorance for soaping the soles of my feet.

She helps me lay, butt naked on top of a marble platform rectangular box, and rapidly pulls me back, keeping me from slipping off ( you are supposed to bring a rubber mat that looks like an enlarged placement to keep your slippery-soapy naked butt firmly in place- but I am traveling… I didn’t know of such things).

Then the dominatrix Amazon woman, violently rubs my entire body raw with a mitt that feels like it is made of sandpaper. It. Feels. Wonderful.

She tisks at me for the amount of dead skin that she is shedding from my dirty American body. I feel good AND guilty at the same time.

I have been born again. I glow with brand-new pink baby skin. I feel…cleansed in a way that makes me wish that I was a snake so that my skin could shed monthly.

Two hours and $7.50 later, I have a new epidermis. I need this at my American home. I wonder if the woman can do home visits.

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